slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
