I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
