i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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