He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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