i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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