So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
