and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
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The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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