btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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