Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
