I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
