wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
