my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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