You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize
