"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
