a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
