you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
