I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
