i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
