Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
