i love accidental penises.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
