she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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