Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I could fuck to npr.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
