just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
