sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Even my vagina gasped.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
