Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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