you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
