This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
