I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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