I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
