i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize