At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
