New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
