She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
