Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
