mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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