I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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