i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.