you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!