its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
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Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."