so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"