Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Im part way to drunk.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.