I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
