your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
