I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
