the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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