I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
