there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
