apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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