Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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