just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
