just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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