Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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