What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We had to coat check the pizza.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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