Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
