my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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