Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
