By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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