Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
