Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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