Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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