you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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