Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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