): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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