Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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