I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
