You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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