i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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