my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
