i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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