Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
