i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
