Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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