Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Quick, to the slutcave!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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