the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
