I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
