It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
