return my video game
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
