I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
