too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
