Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
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Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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